Sunday, 1 March 2009

Taking my Balls Out

I took one of my balls on a day trip yesterday.

To Salisbury and back. That's a round trip of just over 4 hours just in case you're taking notes.

I didn't mean to (that really would be nuts) - it's just that after a morning of howling, crying, sobbing and tantruming (and that was just me - I think my least dignified moment was sprinting down the high-street with the pram, chasing the silhouette of my OH, shouting 'DON'T GO INTO TESCO! I'VE GOT NAPPIES.'), I threw myself into the car and onto the M25 with such vigour that I'd pretty much reached Heathrow before I noticed that I wasn't alone.

There was a very large blue ball sitting in the passenger seat and banging on the dashboard every time I braked.

It looked rather odd, but not as odd as the inflatable men you can buy to put in the passenger seat of your car.

I kid you not.

Apparently they are supposed to deter wannabee car-jackers/attackers. You plug them into the cigarette lighter and they inflate and 'accompany' you on your travels. I'm sure any gun-toting maniac high on crack would be petrified of, what is clearly, an utterly shite blow up doll.

See here:

Hmm, the most disturbing thing about that picture is not, in fact, how utterly ridiculous the whole concept is, but that the woman driving looks uncannily like my 'special pasta' sister-in-law.

I must get the wedding photos back out. Perhaps she actually married an inflatable..... That would go some way to explaining things.

Anyhow, I didn't have a 'man' - I just had a great big ball. I didn't talk to the ball or expect it to save me from situations of peril but I did smell it.

Yup, as the temperature in the car rose and the ball bounced against the heating vents, it became apparent that my balls are scented.


A sort of sickly sweet fake-Vanilla scent.

I find this reasonably interesting.

They are actually proper gym balls - normally used by physios or personal trainers for 'core stability' training. Perhaps such heavy use by multiple indivduals leads to problems with sweaty balls - thus the need for the scenting?

Perhaps someone out there with more ball experience than me will be able to enlighten me? I'm looking forward to comparing notes....

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