To Salisbury and back. That's a round trip of just over 4 hours just in case you're taking notes.
I didn't mean to (that really would be nuts) - it's just that after a morning of howling, crying, sobbing and tantruming (and that was just me - I think my least dignified moment was sprinting down the high-street with the pram, chasing the silhouette of my OH, shouting 'DON'T GO INTO TESCO! I'VE GOT NAPPIES.'), I threw myself into the car and onto the M25 with such vigour that I'd pretty much reached Heathrow before I noticed that I wasn't alone.
There was a very large blue ball sitting in the passenger seat and banging on the dashboard every time I braked.
It looked rather odd, but not as odd as the inflatable men you can buy to put in the passenger seat of your car.
I kid you not.
Apparently they are supposed to deter wannabee car-jackers/attackers. You plug them into the cigarette lighter and they inflate and 'accompany' you on your travels. I'm sure any gun-toting maniac high on crack would be petrified of, what is clearly, an utterly shite blow up doll.
Hmm, the most disturbing thing about that picture is not, in fact, how utterly ridiculous the whole concept is, but that the woman driving looks uncannily like my 'special pasta' sister-in-law.
I must get the wedding photos back out. Perhaps she actually married an inflatable..... That would go some way to explaining things.
Anyhow, I didn't have a 'man' - I just had a great big ball. I didn't talk to the ball or expect it to save me from situations of peril but I did smell it.
Yup, as the temperature in the car rose and the ball bounced against the heating vents, it became apparent that my balls are scented.
A sort of sickly sweet fake-Vanilla scent.
I find this reasonably interesting.
They are actually proper gym balls - normally used by physios or personal trainers for 'core stability' training. Perhaps such heavy use by multiple indivduals leads to problems with sweaty balls - thus the need for the scenting?
Perhaps someone out there with more ball experience than me will be able to enlighten me? I'm looking forward to comparing notes....