Saturday, 7 March 2009

Lost in Translation

My eldest son is at the age where he picks up song lyrics and sings them back to you - normally in his own unique way - which at times is preferable to him getting the words right.

I can still remember my brother picking up the lyrics to the Bodyform sanitary towel advert perfectly which was less than ideal. He broke into 'Bodyform, Bodyform for YOOOOUUUU' in the middle of a family lunch involving my grandparents. There is a time and place for discussions on sanitary protection, and this wasn't one of them.

On the other hand, I was, until a reasonable age, convinced that words to Madonna's 'Like a Virgin' were 'poppadom peach, I'm eating my baby now' - and my mother never corrected me.

Earlier this week I was flicking through radio stations when Britney Spear's 'Womanizer' came on. I think it reasonable to assume that Britney Spears is not my normal acoustic accompaniment but my son was more than impressed.

'Ohhh mummy - I LOVE this song' he proclaimed.

'Oh. Do you?' I say, thinking 'please god no, don't let him start walking round the streets singing 'womanizer, womanizer, you're a womanizer' for the next two weeks. Surely I've reached my "public humiliation quota" for this month already?

'Yes, I'm going to sing it'.

And ever since he's been wandering around the house singing 'Womble-izer Womble-izer, hmmm, I'm a Womble-izer' while his younger brother gyrates beside him like a toddler version of Bez from the Happy Mondays.

I'm note sure what a Womble-izer is. It sounds potentially sinister. Like some kind of a ray gun that you can shoot at people and it turns them instantly into a Womble.

I wish I could get my hands on one.

Chucking your fag packet in my front garden? KABOOM - there we are I've turned you into Uncle Bulgaria. Try getting a fag out of the packet with THOSE fingers.

Dropping your kebab wrapper outside my gate? KABOOM - see how you get on in the pub now you're a 6ft high hairy critter with compulsive tidying habits, an interesting taste in scarfs and go by the name of 'Orinoco'.

Ohh I could have a lot of fun with that.

Womble-izer, Womble-izer, hhmmm, I'm a Womble-izer.......


  1. LOL! But I have to say, aren't those lyrics 'poppadom peach' more likely to be for 'Pappa Don't Preach' rather than Like a Virgin?? We had a classic episode on the way back from London once, pre-children but next to a family, the youngest of which was about 3. He started to sing very loudly 'I wanna have EGGS on the beach' and the whole carriage collapsed into barely-stifled laughter - his poor parents went beetroot!! They have my total sympathies!

  2. Oh my god - of course you are 100% right! WHAT planet am I on? I was obviously thinking of Virgins.....

    That story about the eggs is hilarious - I can SO see that happening!