Wednesday, 25 March 2009

Roll up, Roll up, the Great Big Pants Presents Bonanza

Ok my whinging about the Mother's Day debacle of two years ago (I hasten to add I was pregnant at the time which I think excuses you from about 98% of bad behaviour?) has prompted a flurry of 'if you think THAT'S bad, you should see mine....' responses.

So far the winner goes to the lovely Keri whose darling Terry got her this little beauty one Christmas:

Doesn't that just make your heart beat a little bit faster?

In case Keri wasn't sure what exactly it was she had eagerly torn the wrapping paper from (and let's be honest - I haven't got a clue), Terry had enclosed an explanatory poem.

To be fair - a LOT of effort has gone into this - parts of it even rhyme. Do you think the 300 'kisses' were a subconscious reflection of Terry's concern that the gift may not be well received?

Inspired. Utterly inspired. I particularly love the line 'now it didn't cost as much as you think' - just in case Keri was too overwhelmed by this particular piece of I.T kit and wanted to exchange it for something else. Like a new mouse. Or a pen drive.

It's beautiful Terry. It brings a tear to my eye. Who said romance is dead?

HOWEVER - males reading this and wishing to appeal to potential mates might want to note that I.T hardware is not normally the route to go down when it comes to wanting to encourage women to jump into bed with you. The same can be said for car parts and/or any kind of Sci-Fi memorabilia. There are of course exceptions (just in case any of you are dating a woman with a Yoda fetish and fondness for alloy-wheel trims).

If you wish to add your list of gripes to the Big Pants Present Bonanza - then please, drop me a line and I shall immortalise your ingratitude into cyber space.

That includes you mum and dad for the Forest Green Men's towelling dressing gown you bought me as my main present for my 18th.

My EIGHTEENTH. Everyone else was getting bracelets or cars or whatever and I got something modelled by a man over 50 wearing slippers. What kind of message is that sending out to a young girl at the dawn of adulthood? And it wasn't even accompanied by a poem!

It was a warm dressing gown though - especially when it caught fire during an unfortunate fish finger grilling accident at Uni..... but that's a whole other blog post....


  1. Oh no, poor Terry - I think that poem is fantastic, I'd have been thrilled to have got that present and poem, the thought that's gone into it, seriously I think it's fab. And no, I don't know Terry and he hasn't paid me to say that.

  2. Is that you Terry? ;)

    No the poem is BRILLIANT - hilarious but brilliant!

    I don't worry - Terry's family have given their consent for the use of his poetry on this blog.

    Just think - he could get commissions from this!

  3. How about this for sexism/ favouritism.... I got a frame that looked like it came from the pound shop for Christmas while my lovely brother got an all expenses paid trip to the Middle East. Thanks Aunty and Uncle!

  4. I got the same for christmas this year, although mine didn't come with a poem.

  5. I should probably add that I loved the present :) and no I don't have a yoda fetish, nor do I collect alloy wheel trims.

  6. Vix - that is HARSH!! Crikey - I felt gutted when my grandad bought my brother a car and I got, erm, nothing - because 'I could stand on my own two feet!'. I think I ended up in hysterical childish tears - not my finest moment...;).

    Keri - I think Terry could be on to a winner here. He could set up a website penning poems for blokes to pass off as their own when giving loved ones gifts? He will melt the hearts of women across the nation? Could be a nice little earner!

  7. These comments have just made Terry's night - and also given me the nerve to confess I had publicised his poem!
    Thanks guys xx

  8. OOOOOHHHH KERI! I thought I was publishing with the author's consent! I hope he's not about to sue ;).