Sunday, 12 July 2009

Lets talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me..

..or actually let's NOT. Especially if you are 4 and you decide to do so in front of 'potential purchaser of this humble abode'.

Sigh (I do a lot of sighing don't I?).

We had a viewing today. Never had one on a Sunday before so I wanted to make the most of the fact it was nice and quiet and it would be unlikely that there would be any enraged menfolk outside shouting 'move ya farkin' motor or I'll farkin' 'ave you'.

Also plenty of warning meant they wouldn't find anything too alarming on the kitchen table.

However my OH had to work all day so I had both children and no other help so I was pulling every last trick out the box to keep them (semi) still.

This included digging out the trusty DVD entitled 'Florida Rails - Trains of the Sunshine State'.

You see my children are OBSESSED by trains (and when I say obsessed - I really do mean it - whole days revolve around railways and railway paraphernalia. I am waiting for the day where I finally snap and run away to live in the shed with something pink and fluffy that doesn't feature a level crossing).

We have several rather serious DVDs aimed at the railway enthusiast and Florida Rails is a hot favourite (and it's better than the highly disturbing one about model railways where, no word of a lie, a guy demonstrates how to make miniature spokes for your miniature bicycle out of HUMAN HAIR. He doesn't specify precisely from where on his body he has sourced this hair but looking at it, I could guess):

Basically it's about an hour of a very odd sounding man (who sounds like he should probably be residing in Broadmoor - maybe he his? Do they let the inmates do voice overs?) telling you EXACTLY how you should holiday in Florida to make the most of the States 'fascinating' railways. If you do find yourself heading that way be sure to go to Jacksonville and look out for the Tropicana Juice Train but remember to cross the tracks 'quickly and carefully, looking both ways' (how many times have I seen this DVD? Don't ask. Please - DON'T ask).

I actually thought most people from the UK who holidayed in Florida went looking for sunshine, Everglades and Disney - but no. It appears that some people go looking for trains.

Anyway - needs must and I dug out 'Florida Rails'.

Now it's been a while since we've watched it (can't think why?) and since then my eldest son has become more interested in letters and sounds.

One of the freight trains is pulling a large convoy of wagons with the letters CSX on the side of them and he asked me what it said.

Without even stopping to think about what I was saying I sounded it out phonetically, just like school tell you to.......


Cur Sex? He replies.


'Mummy? Why are there so many wagons with Sex on them?'.


'Erm it's the name of the company that owns them darling Ok - oh look here comes the lady to look at the house! Now remember JUST BE QUIET when she's here - we need her to like the house and buy it. REMEMBER!'.

'Yes mummy'.

And he was as good as gold.

He sat quietly in the living room watching his DVD with his baby brother.

And just as the potential-buyers were leaving and I was chatting in the hallway about council tax bands and loft space he said to his brother, very very loudly,.....

'Ohhh look! Here come more Sex wagons! And LOOK! There's a Sex locomotive too!'.

Jolly good.


  1. as long as you don't have a red light shining in the window, you may.... may.... just get away with it!

  2. Red light? Nah, no chance - I've got NO bleedin' lights in my front room at the moment due to some kind of dodgy wiring... but SSSSHHH don't tell anyone!

  3. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaahaha

  4. I just read this and about four other entries and I have to stop now, tears are running down my face and my 3 year old is saying "what's wrong mummy?". Not giggled so much in ages, bless you Ms Newty!

  5. I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to

    say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


  6. Hi Patricia! Lovely to see you here and glad you are enjoying it!