Saturday, 4 July 2009

Bang! And the kids are gone!

A.K.A the alternative guide to childcare.

Heat bothering you?

Feeling tired, grumpy and like lifting a limb is beyond reasonable?

Have small children who, despite the heat, want to run around like lunatics?

Well the solution is thus:

Sit yourself outside (preferably the garden but if you don't have one you may have to venture to the local park) in a shady spot with a good book and cold drink (add alcohol if the situation is severe and you need further removing from reality i.e. your actual life) and arm yourself with a spray gun (you know, the kind you get Greenfly Killer or Cillit Bang in - but obviously it is NOT to be filled with highly corrosive kitchen cleaner or pesticides - just water please. I repeat - JUST WATER).

Sit back and chill and when the kids get too close and look like they might need something, throw out a hand and zap them with the water spray. With practice you can manage this without even looking up from your book (but you may need to put your drink down).

They will run away, hysterical with joy and spend the next 2 hours racing up and down the garden daring each other to go near 'spraying mummy' (the mind boggles) whilst simultaneously wearing each other out and not destroying anything..... Everyone's a winner.

I need to send this in to Take a Break's 'Brainwaves Roadshow' and get my £50. It could buy me a new pair of balls.

(No news on the ball front I'm afraid. Still AWOL).


  1. Great idea, works on wayward cats too.

  2. ROFL!!
    Brilliant! Will it work on dogs?
    Sue xx

  3. Probably depends on the breed. Would probably be a winner with Springer Spaniels - they have a similar temperament to small boys!

  4. Thank you, this is on tomorrows plan of action

  5. You're such fun!! Thanks for the tips - will definately be giving this a try on my pair of hooligan's.


  6. for God's sake, put the drink down first, though. You wouldn't want to spill any...

  7. Great post, great tip. Hope you don't mind but I'm put you down as British Mummy Blogger of the Week...

  8. Ha ha ha ha ... love it !

    Found your blog via BMB of the week :)

  9. great tip! all I need is waterproof suncream for the little monster!

  10. excellent. when mine were little i could keep them out of various rooms by switching on the vacuum cleaner and leaving it in the doorway.

    unfortunately it doesn't work anymore. and neither does the vacuum cleaner.

  11. PMSL My baddy of the day is --- Was sitting on the garden reading lo and behold neighbough lit a bonfire at 3o/c I made the appropriate noises and came indoors lol

  12. Wow - HUGE thanks for the 'British Mummy Blogger' of the week award! I've very flattered!

    Big hello to all the new readers and followers - so lovely to see you all and you all make keeping this going more than worth it! Thanks for all your kind comments - every one of them gets read and means a lot to me.

    Right - let's see what the next week holds.....

  13. I also found your blog via BMB of the week.

    This is a great idea, wish it would work on husbands.

  14. Just took your advice - hot and sticky afternoon here - and it worked a total treat. How on earth have I (an idle mummy at the best of times) not come up with this myself!

    Found you through BMB blog of the week as well. Brilliant stuff!