Why do rainbows come?
Because sun shines through water in the air.
Because that's the weather
Because jet streams in the upper atmosphere mean the weather is very changeable at the moment.
Oh look - there appears to be a biscuit in the cupboard - would you like it!?
Why is my brother's willy very tiny?
Because he's smaller than you.
Because he's just a baby
Because he's only 1 and you are 4.
Because you were born in 2004 and he was born in 2007. OK?
Because that is WHEN YOU WERE BORN!
Because 9 months earlier I got sh1tfaced on honeymoon and it seemed like a good idea at the time (Ok, I didn't really say that bit but you get the idea).
The why business can be very trying and the most frustrating thing is, you never get to do it back because they just won't play ball.
If I COULD get them to play ball though there are several why? questions which I would like them to answer regarding their behavior today:
To Son No. 1:
WHY did you think it was acceptable and agreeable behaviour to toss all of your beloved Lego into the elderly lady next doors garden where some of it landed in dog poo and I have to not only beg for it back, but wash the dog mess off it?
WHY did you then think it could have possibly pleased me, in the slightest, to discover that my right-hand flip flop (and only summer shoe I possess which does not shred my foot to ribbons) should reside alongside your Lego in the aforementioned garden (but, fortunately, not in the dog poo)?
WHY did you fail to mention that the guinea pig's had 'escaped' (for that read 'been let out') until I was tucking you into bed when you saw fit to briefly ask if 'Rex is still shaking in the bushes'?
WHY did you then try to convince me that your 1 year old brother possessed the strength to single-handedly over-turn a 6 foot square wood and wire guinea pig run?
WHY do you think I want to look at your poo, let alone rejoice at the size of it?
WHY did you collapse sobbing at the sight of a plate of scrambled eggs saying 'but I only ever, ever, EVER want to eat fish fingers' when I presented you with your dinner?
And to your younger brother:
WHY do you eat something one day and then the next scream as if you have been stabbed the minute you lay eyes on it and then fall, face down, onto the table sobbing fat hot tears of sorrow? It's only scrambled eggs. It isn't THAT bad. No one died. Not even the chicken.
WHY do I then find you raiding the bottom draw of the fridge and happily chowing down on peas still in their pods - pods and all? Green goo is flowing out of your mouth and you are smiling. I'm the one who has to change your nappies.
WHY do you find great humour in stealing your brother's clothes as he tries to get dressed and tossing them out of the nearest open window? He needs his pants, OK?
WHY do you insist on going stiff as a board every time I try to get you into a pushchair/car seat/high chair/your clothes. You should know by now that this is a battle that you will never win - however much force it takes. I AM BIGGER THAN YOU - GET IT?!
WHY do you express your joy and deep love for books by becoming so excited you shred them!?
And that's just today.