Friday, 1 May 2009

How do you find me?

Well the answer to that, it appears, is many and varied.

I have a gizmo thing on here so that if people find this blog via a Google search I can see what they searched for.

Very interesting. And at times, erm, alarming.

You see the good news is that an increasing number of people find me by typing 'Slightly South of Sanity' - so clearly they wanted to actually find this blog - wooo hooo. Great news!

The bad news is that others were clearly looking for something all together different.

The most worrying case of the which is the person who typed in 'Moist Panties With Picture MARKED'.



Now, as I am sure you are aware there are NO pictures of moist panties on here, stained or otherwise (and I can assure you, there never will be) but there is a story about the dangers of spell check and the demise of my geography coursework which ended up filled with moist panties rather than moist tropical rain forests. I can only hope that the disappointed pervert went away and never looks back.

The most popular Google that leads to my blog actually appears to be along the lines of 'How to Make an Iggle Piggle Cake'. Once again - I can only disappoint. Yes there is an Iggle Piggle Cake or two on here and there is one I had a good laugh at but as far as actually tips go on making one - sorry - no go. Your barking up the wrong blog here my lovelies.

Running a close second is the rather worrying amount of people who search the Internet using the term 'Squat Pee Woman'. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.... May I suggest they refine their search criteria a little more? I may have made passing reference to the need for pelvic floor exercises when undergoing aerobic exercise but I do not provide photographs or graphic descriptions. Oh and to the poor lady who was googling 'Why do I pee my pants during my aerobics class?' - I think you need help and this blog may do many things - but it is not renowned for helping people regain the power of your pelvic floor.

There are various other strange ways that people have ended up here (looking for 'song about cherry cola' was one of them) but to those of you that have stayed - thank you.

Thank you for all your kind words, all your support and a special thanks to those who have 'spread the word' and encouraged others to join the insanity. It brings a glow to my heart when people say things to me like 'my mother in law reads your blog and shows it to all her friends!' (hopefully not for tips on moist panties though?).

Of course this blog isn't for everyone - far from it - and I have been made aware of a complaint from a gentleman who was 'horrified and disgusted to find mention of female urination, bowel movements and other matters which should NOT be discussed in a public way'.

Well what can I say? I wonder what he does if he accidentally walks down the Sanitary Towel aisle in Tescos? And as for all those TV adverts for Tena Lady, Tampax and Canesten Thrush cream..... Well the world's gone mad I tell you. This country has gone to the dogs ever since they let women take off their corsets and walk around with trousers on.....

Sorry but I live in a world where my children crap on the floor in front of TV Cable engineers, who then walk in on me on the toilet. I live in a world where my wig gets caught in the wheels of my pram and men on steroids have to get it out for me. I live in a world where I've been pushed down my road and past the pub wearing nothing but a wet bra and a coating of my own blood. If I didn't stop trying to keep up appearances I'd be back in the loony bin quicker than you can say 'wee wee'.

Oh and for a living I stand in front of mixed sex groups and say words like 'vagina', 'fanning open', 'intense pressure' and 'head' (for the record I'm an antenatal teacher - I don't work on a telephone sex chat line) and over the last few years I've had to undergo some pretty gruesome medical treatment and bare my soul to complete strangers.

So excuse me if I don't blush when I say PEE PEE.

Perhaps I need to put a warning along the top of this blog?

You know like you get on the back of DVDs these days? 'This blog contain mild language and scenes of peril which occasionally involve a woman's bodily functions. It also encompasses a scene where a (dead) pet rabbit is thrown down a railway embankment and the word BALLS is scattered through it rather too liberally. Oh and sometimes I mention passing wind. So if you don't want to see words like wee wee, LOOK AWAY NOW'.

Suggestions on a postcard.....

And speaking of postcards, I'm off on my holidays now - I'll be back next Sunday no doubt with vast amounts to tell you. Love you loads (apart from the moist panty weirdo - go back from where you came from and never darken this blog again - please).


  1. I have just sent a link to this blog to just about every mammy I know!

  2. You are an angel! I just hope they can cope with wee....