The next thing I heard he'd been re-admitted to hospital and now has his arse packed with seaweed.
Apparently this is a very expensive special kind of a seaweed the NHS occasionally fork out for in order to create miraculous healing. It's not just a handful of kelp gathered from the Bristol Channel (well hopefully not).
I've heard the expression 'side splitting' but 'bum splitting'. Oh dear, oh dear.
Anyway - seriously mate - get well soon. We are all thinking of you - and your arse.
And to any of you carrying any physical complaints that won't withstand much pressure - you have been warned......