I'm not drunk (sadly), I'm not excessively tired, I'm not excessively hormonal, I'm not in the first lusts of new love, I haven't been smoking pot or sniffing the WD40 (which, I will confess to doing during the final weeks of my last pregnancy. The WD40 sniffing that is - not the pot. I used to get these cravings where I HAD to put my head under the kitchen sink and inhale the heady aroma of WD40 mixing with shoe polish and Windowlene. Well it's better than sticking your head in the oven, surely?) but I am just totally out of it today.
Sort of floating around in a ethereal bubble of vagueness.
I keep doing ridiculously random idiotic things.
Like bringing all the dirty washing downstairs, in order to wash it, and then spending several minutes methodically stuffing it into the kitchen bin.
Or picking up my mobile phone and nonchalantly chucking it into the freezer (I was thinking about fish fingers at the time but all the same, that is quite random).
The creme de la creme has just occurred while I was cooking a curry.
I put all the ingredients in the pot and then, on turning round, saw a collection of snipped up spring onions on the work top so threw them into the pot.
Not, for even one milli-second, did I stop to consider the bare cold fact that:
a) I have not purchased any spring onions for some weeks.
b) I hadn't been cutting spring onions up and there is no one else in the house who can safely use a pair of scissors.
c) they were not spring onions.
No they were in fact the snipped off ends of a bunch of tulips.
So there we are: beef, butternut squash and toxic tulip stalk curry.
I've fished all the bloody things out now and binned them before my brain decided it would be a good idea to weave them into a cardigan or put them in a sandwich.
Hopefully by the time my husband reads this he will have already eaten the curry, non the wiser about it's botanical infusion.
I hope you are having a significantly saner day than me.
p.s. I am just double checking that I've loaded this onto my blog and not sent it to the Inland Revenue as a tax return or submitted it The Times letters page.