Thursday, 30 April 2009

Catching Up

Sorry for the lull in proceedings - it's been 'go go go' here, and it's not about to get any easier.

At least I've got today's assessed presentation out of the way - so I can now do things like blog/send emails/talk to people/eat/breathe/exist without a crushing sense of guilt that I 'should be doing something more important'.

Whilst I've been working away in a diligent fashion it's all been going on round here.

The Man Eating/Lion Dog/Dog of Dave (which is apparently actually a Turkish Mountain Dog) has been removed by the police and is now in dog custody. Apparently they are having problems with it as (in the words of my neighbor): 'it only speaks Turkish, don't it?'. The police dog handlers are apparently working hard to get it's English up to scratch in order to re home it.

I shall look out for its return and expect to see it back outside my house kicking off about 'the state of the farkin' motor' before breaking into a bit of Chaz and Dave and doing the Lambeth Walk.

No seriously - it is unlikely the dog will return because it appears/has been alleged (but, I hasten to add, is in no way proven) that it's owner is a drug dealer.

That would probably explain why he owned a dog the size of Red Rum, has rigged up CCTV round his house and has people coming and going all through the night.

It all kicked off last Friday lunchtime when a fleet of squad cars surrounded his house, a surveillance team were placed on the roof of a neighbouring house and his house was stormed. It was certainly more entertaining than Loose Women.

The man delivering my Littlewoods catalogue was adamant I was living opposite a bomb factory but it appears it is merely a drugs den.

Damn, I was looking forward to doing that bit on the news when they interview the neighbours and they say 'we just had NO idea! He was a quiet man...Kept himself to himself! He was a good neighbour! Kind to animals! And now this!'. Only I would have said 'we full well knew he was a flaming looper - owned a dog that could kill a man with one paw and looked like a right shifty geezer. Yeah it doesn't surprise me one bit that's he's a no good piece of sh1t. Good riddance'.

Anyway, I'm guessing as they've taken his car and most of the contents of his house they will also keep his dog? At least until it's English is up to scratch.....

I now just have to prepare for the 'holiday' I am going on on Saturday.

There is a reason 'holiday' is in little quotation marks.

There is only so much of a holiday you can have which will involve at least 12 hours in the car with a howling infant, probably an equal number of hours chasing before mentioned infant across the Lakeland countryside trying to prevent him from falling down fells or into bogs - oh and elements of the holiday involve my father (him of the pierced testicle fame). There is already an immense family row in full swing because my brother has the gall to have a 'bitch in heat' (this means his pet dog has gone all hormonal and millions of male dogs are hammering at the door trying to shag it - not really the number 1 thing you'd want to take on holiday with you - I'd rather pack a bottle of wine and good book - but hey, I'm sure it will just add a certain something to the week).

I'm sure the holiday will be fun.

I'm sure it will provide plenty of blog fodder.

What I'm far from sure about is if it will involve any kind of rest and/or recuperation.

I'm guessing it's best to set my hopes low and thus not be disappointed.

I will let you know....

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