Friday, 30 April 2010

Who's the Daddy?

The toddler seems to be having some difficult working out who is father is.

It actually started with me - first of all he identified a 17 year old in the paper as 'mummy' which could have been sort of flattering if it hadn't have been an article on binge drinking which showed her falling into the gutter surrounded by vomit.

Next he became convinced I was Cerrie on Cbeebies - this was a step up as Cerrie is not renowned for binge drinking or wading about in vomit only a) I don't look like Cerrie at all and b) Cerrie only has 1 arm and I have 2 so I started to wonder just how much attention he's really been paying to his daily carer for the last 2 years?

He probably answered that question himself when, on seeing a photo of Denise Lewis (as in the amazingly fit Olympic Heptathlete who also happens to be black) he shouted 'MUMMY!'.

I was wondering where it would all end (mummy being mistaken for Gordon Brown? A chair? A gutted squid on the Asda fish counter?) but then (fortunately) he turned his focus on Daddy.

'Daddy's home!' he shouted in glee at front room window. Thinking this rather odd as Daddy was actually sat upstairs, I rushed to the window only to see a large ginger cat waiting by the front door.

Hmm. I can assure you now I have never entered into a romantic liaison with a cat.

Some days later we perusing the homewares in Matalan when he let out a delighted shriek of 'DADDY! DADDY! DADDY!'. Several people turned to look. I turned to look. He was pointing at a large. A large poster of?

'Colin & Justin' the two super-camp interior designers:

I think the other shoppers were as surprised as I was but probably not as surprised as his actual father who on reading this will no doubt rush to the mirror and try to define whether he's more of a Colin or a Justin.

I'm not sure love but if you come home wearing a blazer trimmed with fushia ribbon and a dandy bloom, you'll be sleeping in the office......


  1. Brilliant! Reminds me of the time my little one announced that Daddy wasn't as sexy as Ryan Giggs.
    Sue xx

  2. Oh how I giggled at your tale...the other day my 5yo asked me if I was around when the dinosaurs were alive! Let me assure you he got no pudding that night!

  3. OMG LOL very much (I needed this!)

  4. do squid have guts?

    Sorry, just asking... ;o)

  5. Hello, I've just come across your blog, and haven't laughed so much in ages. My favourite mummy/daddy comparison was in the chemists where my 2 year old told the Pharmacist that "that is mummy and daddy"....yup, that's us on the clamydia poster. Cue stifled guffaws from all the old biddies.

  6. The clamydia couple!!! PMSL!! I suppose I should count my blessings.....

  7. Hehehehehe... you definitely get my vote for funniest blogger.