Saturday, 10 April 2010

When Godzilla Came to Stay (and other tales of Easter)

No, Godzilla is not the Mother in Law.....

I know many, many of you look to me as some kind of parenting guru (cough, splutter) and are keen for me to once again inspire you with ways of keeping any little treasures you may be in the possession of, entertained and off the streets over the holidays.

Well so far this holiday my little-delights have come up with some wondrous activities just perfect for the average child under 6 (I don't know what happens when they get older than that - I'll tell you when I get there but judging on past performances it probably quite tricky).

First up we have:

THE RISE OF GODZILLA - for this game you need a small sleeping child (preferably toddler sized) and you need to place it somewhere like your sofa. Your older child can then wile away a happy hour assembling a large amount of weaponry, surrounding and focused upon the sleeping beauty. When asked what on earth he's doing you will be informed that your precious sleeping infant is in fact Godzilla and when he is awoken, he must be destroyed before he annihilates Japan (a.k.a the model train track set up across your living room carpet).

Advantages: One child is asleep.
Disadvantages: When he is awoken you may actually wish that he was Godzilla and could be sent back into the sea.......

IT'S A CELEBRATION! - for this one you need a large sheet of wrapping paper and some unattended children. Given time they will invest their energies into shredding the aforementioned wrapping paper into approximately 30,000 pieces of 'confetti' and holding a 'celebration'.

Advantages: Keeps them from breaking other stuff for about an hour.
Disadvantages: You can probably figure that one out for yourself and you won't be having a celebration if you go wrap a birthday present and find the only option is a black bin liner.

IT WAS ALL YELLOW - all you need for this is a bright yellow High-Lighter pen, an unattended toddler and an older child to encourage behaviour he finds thrillingly 'out there'. The toddler can easily and readily be encouraged to wile away a vast tract of time colouring the entire left-hand side of his body (from toe to cheeks) fluorescent yellow.

Advantages: Erm, it's cheap, I guess.
Disadvantages: Neon yellow is, it appears, a persistent dye. When viewed in a sun-lit playground he lights up like a workman's vest. I'm hoping it's not toxic and isn't leeching into his blood stream.

If any of these are beyonds your means you can always go back to those fail safe favorites of throwing things, slamming doors and shouting 'BOOO BARRRR' at strangers out the windows. And the kids can watch TV.....;)

p.s. it has been brought to my attention by someone very kind out there that there is some kind of contest on the internet for blogs written by mums and dads. A group of bloggers have worked very hard to set this up and it's lovely to see people getting recognition for what they do (even if, in my case, it's just randomly pouring out the surreal nature of my life in a rather hurried fashion). One of the categories is 'Funniest' and this very kind person nominated mine. If you feel the same then I would be very happy if you clicked the right button:

I think the winner gets a prize. If it's me, I promise to use it in an amusing manner.....


  1. Have nominated you too.
    Wondrous games - wondering why I didn't think of them then realised I only had the one child. Not quite the same with no toddler!
    Sue xx

  2. Awww thanks Susie! Have a good weekend xxx


  4. Well done, you've been nominated as MAD Blogger of the Year, Best MAD Blog Writer AND Funniest MAD Blog.

    Just goes to show - there's no harm in asking, is there?

    The MADs

  5. Well I tried to nominate you but it appears the process was too complex for my brain at this time on a Saturday (oh, it's not that early. Damn.)
    So I'm not sure if I've nominated you or not (and it won't let me try again!) Sorry!!

  6. Wow - thanks Sally! And everyone who voted.

    Ruth - I'm sure it has worked or it would let you try again - anyway thanks for trying at least!!

  7. I nominated you too... I'm not a mum or anything but I love reading your blog - it rarely fails to make me laugh - usually at work! :)

  8. It got my vote too!

    This blog makes me laugh out loud EVERY time.

    You rock!!

    Dings x

  9. YOu're nominated. Think you should also set up Facebook fan page...

  10. Thanks everyone! You are all very kind very cool people! Keep the insanity going.... xxxx