Thursday, 29 April 2010

The Haunted Vagina

No, not mine (although the way things are going, who knows? That would be an interesting call to NHS Direct. On the plus side - it would also be a sure fire £200 from Take a Break for a double page spread).

No, last night I learned that whilst I might write on some rather odd topics on this blog, there are people out there who have had books actually PUBLISHED (and paid for) on far weirder stuff.

While searching for a totally unrelated academic book on Amazon I was slightly intrigued when the 'customers who have viewed this, also viewed.......' banner came up with a book called 'The Haunted Vagina'.

Well how could I not take a peek?

I thought perhaps it was more serious than it sounded (although I have to confess it sounds pretty serious) and was maybe an academic tome on the oppression of women or the lust for designer labia.

But no.

The product information reads as follows:

Product Description

It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead.

Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy's pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn't think it's that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees.

When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex, Stacy learns that her vagina is actually a doorway to another world. She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return... especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy's legs.

"A very strange and surprisingly touching love story, despite the deliberately asinine premise. With subtle humor, surreal erotica, and some genuinely creepy moments, The Haunted Vagina is a completely unique reading experience."

I'm not really sure what to say now. It's not often I'm left speechless but I'm, erm, speechless. I don't even know what to make of the bit about the 'living corpse'. Is a corpse not, by it's very definition, no longer alive?

I think I need to order it to complete my research. I can then donate it to the school's Christmas Tombola and ensure that I'm never again asked to assist with any PTA events whatsoever.

Oh well, this blog is already a magnet for those looking for sucked balls, moist panties and crap Iggle Piggle Cakes. I guess I just opened myself up to lovers of surreal erotica......


  1. It would make an interesting 'Most Haunted' programme, I can see Yvette Fielding climbing up there now and I bet that would encourage Derek Acorah back to the series too!

  2. Why do I never get recommendations like this on Amazon? What am I doing wrong?
    Or perhaps I'm doing it right - this book sounds really strange.
    If you order it can you pass it on to me?
    I'll then put it in a charity bag. No strange looks but perhaps an end to all the charity bags pushed through my letter box.
    Sue xx

  3. Lol.

    Lou - the image of Yvette Fielding and the Haunted Vagina is one I'm going to struggle to get out of my mind! What fantastic telly that would be!!

  4. I'm slightly disturbed by the imagination of the person who wrote the book....I mean, how? Why? WHAT???

    and that's not even to get into the whole physical aspect of it - Steve seems to quite casually 'climb in', and wasn't effectively giving birth to a full-grown adult somewhat a final act for Stacy?? I mean, I huffed out a 10lb 5 baby and that wasn't a barrel of laughs so having a whole adult go either way......

  5. I couldn't possibly advise Ruth - you'd need to read the book.....;).

    I forgot your 2nd was even bigger than my 2nd! 2nd baby that is - in case people think 'what!?'.

  6. I'm not so much troubled by the 'what would compel a sane person to write something like this?' (unless it's pure analogy through and through - let us know won't you?) but more 'what makes a publisher take on a book like this (oh unless it;s the same ones who publish Jordan's books and Martine McCutcheon's debut of course). Makes me want to spit. And order it, obvs!

  7. Jordan's vagina probably is haunted....