Thursday, 27 August 2009

Broken English

Well the toddler has started to speak.

This is clearly wonderful - but also somewhat alarming. You just kind of presume that he'll always tag along like a badly behaved puppy using the odd favourite word (words which I hasten to add have never included 'mummy' - no, in fact 99% of them centre around railways. It is very apparent that he holds freight trains above me in the order of 'very important things to learn to say')and the thought of actually holding a CONVERSATION with him is going to take some getting used to.

Mind you we are a long way off conversation standards.

In fact we are a long way of any semblance of him being an even vaguely civilized being.

It really is a War of Attrition isn't it?

I mean at the moment, if he wants me to help him with his Iggle Piggle puzzle he thrusts it into my face, scowls fiercely and roars 'DO!'.

I look back at him, raise an eyebrow and say 'it's please mummy, can you help me with my puzzle'.

He scowls even more fiercely and roars even more darkly 'DO DO DO!!!'.


How do we go from that to nice talking and impeccable manners?

The answer is very very slowly.

He knows what he wants though and sometimes it's faintly embarrassing.

Whilst at my friend's house on Tuesday she offered him a biscuit - a very nice biscuit at that.

'NO!' he roared, while stamping his foot' TWO! TWO!'. She looked slightly shocked.

Perhaps I need to revel at the fact that he can count to 2 rather than recoil at his savage ways?

And then yesterday, whilst in the pet shop, and in front of a veritable sea of elderly-ladies, he pointed enthusiastically at the sacks of guinea pig food and cooed 'MY TEA! MY TEA!'.

The smiles quickly turned to frowns (and no I don't feed him guinea pig food - or any other kind of pet food - although that's not to say that he hasn't accidentally sampled it from time to time....).

And then last night he's roaring the house down at 2am and when I go in, rather than thinking 'ohhh the poor love, it must be his teeth....' I am informed, by a very very angry little boy that he wants his railway magazine and he wants it NOW. 'TRAINS! TRAINS! MA-ZEEN! MA-ZEEN'.

What does he think I am, room service?

As his conversational skills grow, how will this escalate? 3am calls for a Club sandwich, half a bottle of Moet and directions to the nearest casino?

Well if he could just manage to say 'Mummy' it would at least soften the blow.....


  1. Thank you! You have made my night! One bemused husband wondering why I'm roaring with laughter at this time and on my laptop.
    They are so cute(?) aren't they at that age. My son's first word was "no" closely followed by "oh dear, no money I'll have to go to the cash machine" - OH was not amused! He'd obviously spent too much time with me.
    Sue xx

  2. p.s. Did you you pick up your two blog awards from my site? Sorry for calling you Stickhead but I don't know your real name.

  3. You've been tagged over on my blog lady.... and check out my "I wish wrote that" answer....

  4. I look forward to hearing about your Bank Holiday weekend lol Hope all goes well

  5. Makes me feel much better! Daughter is 20 mths and has only mastered roaring (thanks to Big bro). And its not even the roar of a lion, no, its a velocoraptor. For a boy would not be so bad but a sweetly smiling dainty girl that then roars at you like a hungry velocoraptor is slightly disturbing.......!

  6. Awww thanks Claire! That really made my day (big grin!).

  7. my daughter's first word was 'bugger'...

    I'm a fine parent, me...

  8. LMAO!! The demands sound like a usual day in my hotel!! LOL - This leads me to beleive that they never do actually grow out of it, but eventually stop harrassing you and move it on to innocent victims like myself!! LOL xx

  9. SB - I didn't realise you were in a hotel! That must be a fascinating insight into that world!! I know from friends in the hospitality trade that it really does take all kinds.....

  10. OOh I didn't mean to look shocked, I was impressed with the use of language and counting - after all his manners are better than D's!