Monday, 13 April 2009

Peeing Hell

Right, well now we have discussed my bowels (again), lets return to peeing. Next week I promise to return to more feminine topics - like my baking skills or vegetable growing excellence (who am I kidding? I did once grow some tomato plants but the rabbit OD'd on them and almost died - so that was that. This is a new rabbit by the way, not the dead one I threw down the railway embankment.....).

Anyway, I am one of the those girls who when I need a wee - I NEED A WEE. I have always been like this, it's not a 'post pushing 10lb babies out of a small hole' development.

One the most embarrassing memories I have of early puberty is being told by my mother that it was absolutely fine to wee behind the rose bush on the grass verge because nobody could possibly see me - ever. What my mother failed to notify me of was the fact that, behind the rose bush, was the slip-road to a service station...... Mid-pee a coach load of boy scouts decided to visit the Little Chef.

Their jeering, gesturing faces, pressed against the glass windows of the coach are ingrained into my memory for all eternity.

Anyway, this need to wee means that sometimes I need to resort to what my son would call 'an outdoor wee'.

And it happened today.

Whilst on the outskirts of a well-to-do Market Town I HAD to go to the toilet. There were no toilets anywhere near by and it was 'pee now or forever have wet pants' so I pulled the car up into a car park, checked for CCTV (I really don't need to be appearing on one of the dodgy DVD's you can buy of people having it off in wheelie bins etc etc) and coach loads of small boys and did a wee.

What a I didn't factor in was that I was wearing very flared jeans with large, gutter like, turn ups on the bottom of them.

Large gutter-like turn ups which, it appears, can hold a lot of wee.

I did wonder why there was no puddle.

So there we are, I spent my Bank Holiday Monday driving around the Home Counties countryside with a very wet, warm ankle.

Perhaps it's time to admit defeat and invest in a She-Pee?

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