Well it's been a while since I baked any cakes bad enough to become No. 1 on Google Searches (if you are reasonably new to Slightly South of Sanity then you need to know that is the home of 'officially' the world's most popular crap Iggle Piggle cake). Oh yeah and there was also the cake laced with curry powder which we used to try and poison the vicar but we'll gloss over that one....
And then I realised that where Iggle Piggle and the Poisoned Cake rose, other attempts had risen (or failed to rise) before them.
Whilst (finally) unpacking some boxes after our house move, I found a packet of photos (these must have come from an era where I actually had time to print out photos - i.e. Before Children) and amongst these happy memories I found a photograph of my OH's (Husband with the Sad Face) birthday cake from many years ago. So many years I'd forgotten I'd ever made it (or blanked it out amidst a sea of shame).
The theme for this cake was to be a guinea pig. In fact it was to be the face of 'Steve-O', a dear pet at the time, now of course dead (but not to be confused with Satchmo).
Now don't get me wrong, Steve-O (named after a neighbour actually - the one between Mr Squirrel and the House with the "Man in Chains Who Burst Through a Window One Otherwise Quiet Sunday Afternoon and was Never Seen Again") was a dark and glum looking guinea pig (he did, after all, die of constipation, although I can assure you the cake was modeled on his living self rather than his corpse - not that you can easily decipher that from it's appearance), but he wasn't THIS freakin' dark and glum:
Note: the bright light on the table below Steve-O's face is a reflection of the camera flash - not a portal to a parallel universe. Sadly. That would have been a handy distraction to just HOW crap my OH's birthday cake actually was.
What can I say!? (Other than, where are his ears? Despite his intestinal issues, he definitely had ears).
Martha Stewart eat your heart out.
Who needs sprinkles, velvet icing, sugar-roses, silver baubles and frosting when you've got squirty cream (and Strongbow)?
I'm not quite sure what went wrong with "Steve-O's Head in a Chocolate Sponge Medium" (other than it clearly being burnt to a cinder, covered in squirty cream and sunk like the Titanic).
Personally I blame the oven.....