Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Sponge Impressions of Guinea Pigs Passed

Well it's been a while since I baked any cakes bad enough to become No. 1 on Google Searches (if you are reasonably new to Slightly South of Sanity then you need to know that is the home of 'officially' the world's most popular crap Iggle Piggle cake). Oh yeah and there was also the cake laced with curry powder which we used to try and poison the vicar but we'll gloss over that one....

And then I realised that where Iggle Piggle and the Poisoned Cake rose, other attempts had risen (or failed to rise) before them.

Whilst (finally) unpacking some boxes after our house move, I found a packet of photos (these must have come from an era where I actually had time to print out photos - i.e. Before Children) and amongst these happy memories I found a photograph of my OH's (Husband with the Sad Face) birthday cake from many years ago. So many years I'd forgotten I'd ever made it (or blanked it out amidst a sea of shame).

The theme for this cake was to be a guinea pig. In fact it was to be the face of 'Steve-O', a dear pet at the time, now of course dead (but not to be confused with Satchmo).

Now don't get me wrong, Steve-O (named after a neighbour actually - the one between Mr Squirrel and the House with the "Man in Chains Who Burst Through a Window One Otherwise Quiet Sunday Afternoon and was Never Seen Again") was a dark and glum looking guinea pig (he did, after all, die of constipation, although I can assure you the cake was modeled on his living self rather than his corpse - not that you can easily decipher that from it's appearance), but he wasn't THIS freakin' dark and glum:

Note: the bright light on the table below Steve-O's face is a reflection of the camera flash - not a portal to a parallel universe. Sadly. That would have been a handy distraction to just HOW crap my OH's birthday cake actually was.

What can I say!? (Other than, where are his ears? Despite his intestinal issues, he definitely had ears).

Martha Stewart eat your heart out.

Who needs sprinkles, velvet icing, sugar-roses, silver baubles and frosting when you've got squirty cream (and Strongbow)?

I'm not quite sure what went wrong with "Steve-O's Head in a Chocolate Sponge Medium" (other than it clearly being burnt to a cinder, covered in squirty cream and sunk like the Titanic).

Personally I blame the oven.....


  1. I'd blame the oven too - every time!
    Seriously -what did you ice the cake with? It looks like liquorice - now my OH would have loved that. Mmm - perhaps I should consult you for cake icing tips in the future.
    Sue xx

  2. Iced!!? Oh how I wish it was! There is no icing - that is the sort of burnt crust! It's bare-naked-cake with squirty cream on top!

  3. It's not iced??? It's BLUE!!! I now feel slightly less bad at my 'fish' I attempted for L's birthday 3 years ago (suffice to say I don't think there are any photos, it was that bad!). Did the cake at least taste ok??
    I have now learned the secret though - order a personalised rice-paper cake topper in a theme you like off ebay, then stick it on top of said cake and voila, job's a good 'un :-D

  4. Blue!? BLUE!!?!? Noooo - it must be something to with your computer screen! It's definitely black/charred brown. It was, I seem to reply, a sort of solid chocolaty mass. I think we declared it 'far too rich' and then managed to hack off all the edges before eating the lot and regretting it for about a week......

  5. Definitely blue to me...and what's the squiggle above/between the eyes?? Can you pretend you ordered it and send it in to Cake Wrecks? :-P

  6. LOL! That squiggle is his nose and his downturned sad mouth. Well you would be sad wouldn't you, looking like that and no one to even recognise your nose!

  7. Vic, i'm sorry to dissalusion you BUT, Ruth is correct. I'm afraid it does appear BLUE!! I honestly thought you'd iced it :-0

    I would like to point out though that it is just cakes that you can't 'perform' at, your cookery skills could be described as 'Domestic Goddess', like the time you could a three course celebratory dinner for the six of us, Christmas 2008. Very much indeed edible and entertaining with the host using green beans as buck teeth...

  8. Not his nose/mouth, the mark ABOVE the eyes....guinea top-knot? (was he a rosette gp?). And yay that someone else thinks it looks blue! Thought my eyes must be playing up!

  9. Perhaps it's just more camera flash?? I personally think it's a wonderful attempt at a cake and also that Steve-O would most likely be thrilled at a cake made in his honor... Or maybe not?

    I tried to make Spag Bol once... This coming from someone who burns toast.. ALL the time (seriously, even when the setting is low.. Cinder!!).. it did not go well.. I think a comment was I'd like some Bol with my Spag and a little more Spag and less water... I gave cooking up as a bad idea and have since been using my kitchen as a show room of domestic cleanliness as all I ever have to do is dust down the worktops...

    Winner :D

    Always SB xx

  10. Ruth - no it's not a top knot - it's an ominous bulge....

    SB - great to see you! But, yeah, maybe don't try and cook me dinner.