Wednesday, 25 November 2009

A Rainbow of Fruit Flavours...

...or Fruits of the Loon more like.

Last week I decided I needed to truly immerse myself in the culture of my home town and go back to my roots.

So where did I go?

Farmers Market?

Fancy boutiquey shops near the river?

Out in the wilds of the hills?

Historical town area?

I, did in fact, go to Asda.

In Asda all of life's rich tapestery is laid before you (OK I haven't actually heard of anyone dying in there but I'm sure I read in Take a Break that someone once had a baby in the toilets). If you want the taste of an area avoid the tourist spots and go to Asda.

It was just before Children in Need day and whilst browing the CDs, I overheard a conversation which reminded me that I was back where I belonged (names changed to protect the identity of the afflicted - oh and because I don't know what they are):

Donna: There is, like, pink in the rainbow, ain't there?

Trixie: (highly unlikely to be her real name) Pink?

Donna: Yeah pink - in the rainbow, like?

Trixie: Errrrrrrr, I dunno, yeah. Why?

Donna: Well I gotta dress up for Children in Need - you know Pudsey Day - as a colour of the rainbow and I wanna wear pink, like.
(sorry but WHAT kind of crap concept is that for a fancy dress event!? 'Come dressed as a colour so we can make a rainbow!'. What if nobody comes in orange or some other vital component? Or 30 people come as a red and one as blue? Pretty crap rainbow that would be).

Trixie: Oh yeah, right, get ya, yeah pink. That'll be good.

Donna: Yeah but IS IT IN THE RAINBOW?

Trixie: Yeah - a dark pink, like.
(I think you'll find that is actually violet - as in a shade of purple - but hey, I have a feeling the rainbow's doomed anyway so what's a dash of an unofficial shade between friends!? Hell yeah - if the rest of the participants take after Donna they'll probably have people rocking up in brown, black and various shades of taupe. It will be less 'rainbow', more 'dodgy pub carpet after 20 years hard service').

Donna: BRILLIANT! I knew it was.

Trixie: Steve's got us a new rabbit.
(Seemingly random and somewhat unexpected turn in the conversation there).

Donna: Yeah?

Trixie: It's eyes are PINK.
(Are you sure Trixie? Or could they in fact be violet?).

Donna: I don't like them rabbits.
(Tact is clearly not her forte).

Trixie: No?

Donna: No - them pink eyed ones are evil. They looked possessed.

Trixie: Possessed?

Donna: Yeah by demons. Like.
(As I said, tact is not her forte).

Trixie: Oh I don't think it's that. It's white.

At this point I had to move on before I actually laughed out load and risked being possessed by a pink-eyed-rabbit but if anyone out there did take part in a 'Pudsey Bear Day Rainbow' (incorporated unauthorised shades) then do let me know how it all turned out in the end.....


  1. When I worked at Asdad our cleaner actually died at work- so someone has died there aswell as had babies. Oh, and we had people shooting up in the toilets too!!

  2. That's why they have those weird purple lights in the toilets in the ones round here, so that the smackheads can't see their veins!

    Those pink eyed rabbits.... They're going to take over the world you know.....