Friday, 9 October 2009


Where have I been?

Well it's a LONG story but basically we sold our house.

Do you remember we were trying to sell our house? The whole thing with the bumhole on the table and the crazed potential purchasers? Anyway you may have noticed I haven't mentioned it for a while and there is a reason for this.

Back in August a woman decided she wanted to buy it (this blog had clearly escaped her sphere of influence) and we accepted her offer. We then made a pretty major life changing decision and decided we couldn't do the whole 'bigger house/bigger mortgage' thing and we would move back to Somerset, buy a small house in need of some work and live a very different life (don't worry - whatever type of life I lead, it is always full of incident. This blog will not be short of material - I can assure you). So we bought a house (well I did - my husband hasn't actually seen it yet......) and I made an oath I wouldn't mention it on this blog until it was all signed and sealed, otherwise it would be cursed and all fall through (a decision clearly made based on robust scientific evidence and peer reviewed medical trials.....not).

So I've never mentioned it and, actually, in the last week as completion drew near and my life was thrown into chaos by being told we had to completely pack up and move out by next Friday, I held my blogging breath and decided not to post until it was 'done'. That and the fact I was up to my neck in cardboard boxes, bubble wrap and the joy of tape guns and couldn't actually find the laptop......

And where has all this holding my breath got me?

Absolutely f'cking NOWHERE.

This hasn't been the best week.

It appears we have been lied to, let down and led merrily up the garden path and everything that should have been signed by now hasn't been which means the money won't be in place in time to complete next Friday and the people at the bottom of the chain have a mortgage offer which expires next Friday and (allegedly) can't be extended. If that really is the case then it's Game Over. Thousands of pounds down the drain, hundreds of hours of wasted work and emotions. Gulp.

I am beyond exhausted, run down, worn out, furious, sad, desperate and living in a strange cardboard box limbo land.

Oh well. Nobody's died.


No seriously it does suck but as a friend pointed out earlier, I've been through worse and actually I have. A lot worse. It is bad but it's not up there with 'bleeding to near death on your living room carpet' or 'having to go and live in a mental home WHICH YOU NEVER THINK YOU WILL GET OUT OF', so I need to keep hugging my kids, resisting the urge to open the wine at 8am and hang on in there. Even if 'hanging on in there' involves going for a drive round the M25 playing 'Appetite for Destruction' at full of volume (which is what I found myself doing yesterday - under the premise of 'going to buy a lamp'. Since when the M25 became involved in 'Coping Strategies' I don't know).

All the same, it really is rather trying living like this with small children. I haven't got a table (it's had to be taken down so there is space for the 70 boxes - the 70 boxes full off all my stuff which may well need to be all unpacked again......Do you KNOW how much bubble wrap is around my crockery? I'm sure they'd find it easier breaking into Tutankhamen's tomb than liberating my soup plates) so my children have to eat their tea off the front room carpet (not literally - I do put a cloth inbetween), foraging about and snapping at each other like wild dogs. A couple of hours ago the older one was sobbing 'MUMMY, THAT TODDLER HAS EATEN MY BALLS!' and, yup, he'd snaffled the meatballs of his older brother's plate and eaten the lot.

Because I've run down all my food stocks they are subsisting on strange meals of bits that nobody has felt like eating over the last god-knows-how-long. Tonight's 'well balanced and nutritious meal' was a plate of meatballs accompanied by a bit of sausage roll and some apple flavoured rice cakes. To be fair there was going to be a banana as well but it has turned black and the children cried at the sight of it. See, even the bananas have turned against me.......

When they aren't attacking eachother's balls or eating nutritionally unbalanced meals in front of unbalanced mother, they can mainly be found rolling around amidst 20 meters of bubble wrap or 'helping' me pack (this means throwing random items into boxes I'm about to tape up - namely things that really shouldn't be packed, like my car keys or credit card) and when I'm not telling them to leave the goddam bubble wrap alone or get out of the goddam box, I'm mainly to found shouting down phones or crying in Tesco's toilets (god I spend too much time in Tesco's toilets don't I?).

This weekend we have to clear our loft and shed and make about 2,000 trips to the tip and all for a move which is still, in absolutely no shape or form, guaranteed to happen and all because of other people's incompetence.

Oh well - I don't care if this blog post has 'cursed' it all - it's good to be back ;). And of course, I will let you know what happens.......


  1. Oh my goodness, what a nightmare! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed it all works out for you.

  2. Hang in there! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. Hope this time next week will see you in Somerset.
    Sue xx

  3. Good Luck! I really, really feel for you on this one! There's nothing more stressful! xxxx

  4. Sending you oodles of sparkles and hope that the big move goes as your head, not the stupid 'others'!

    Sue x

  5. Waaah! How stressful is a move, it's off the scale, I reckon. Hope it turns out ok, and you come trundling back to Somerset very soon.

  6. You do realise, don't you, that you should publish your writing! Everyone would want a copy, either cos they can identify with you or think "shucks my life ain't so bad."
    and when you win the Richard and Judy award you will be richer than Ms Rowling herself and be able to live wherever you bloody well want.

    Love to you all xx

  7. Good Luck - we can never move - there's too much in the loft !!

  8. Open The Wine!! All I'm Saying... LOL - SB xx

  9. Having just moved about two weeks ago I feel your pain. Whenever I move I always end up wondering why all the 'professionals' involved all act like it's the first f*cking time they've actually been involved in a house sale/purchase situation. And why is it that I, the person paying said 'professional' end up having to spend hours of my life on the phone to make sure they actually do the f*cking job I'm paying them for.

    Ok, rant over. I have every thing crossed for you. I hope it all goes through. Hang in there.

  10. Thanks everyone!

    BoozleBox - that is EXACTLY the situation - yes!! I have said much the same myself over the last week or so!

    Nicks - I look forward to having Ms Rowling's millions ;)