You don't want to know the details but I've come to the conclusion that the world and his wife are waiting for 'the news' and it's rather like going overdue when you are pregnant - i.e driving me mad.
Both my babies have been 'late' (although that definition is open to much debate), the first one by 2 weeks and this was after a midwife told me I'd go early.....
You can imagine the tension.
You can imagine the stress....
No, not my tension or stress. I was quite happy lying around on the sofa watching the Olympics whilst eating Arctic Roll and flicking through Take a Break (I must have had some kind of foresight as to what was to come). No I'm talking about the tension and stress of everyone else who is waiting for THE news.
The worst example was (surprise surprise) my father.
He got to the point of informing me (when the baby was circa 10 days late) that 'everything was ruined now as it had just gone too far'.
Apparently I (I?!? I!!!! As if I was deliberately keeping my cervix clamped closed just so I could sleep for a few more nights..... actually don't answer that.....) had 'gone on too long' and 'the excitement was over now'.
If anyone out there is reading this and in close proximity to an overly pregnant woman can I just give you a teeny-tiny bit of advice?
Don't say it.
Anyway the baby came out (eventually) and the rest, as they say, is history.
But here we are again - only this time with a house. I'm guessing houses aren't quite as unpredictable - for example you don't tend to 'exchange' at 2am and it doesn't often involve 8 pints of blood and the paramedic flying squad but at this rate, I wouldn't start laying bets on it not.
People keep phoning me pretending that they want to talk about the weather or the state of the nation but, a few moments in, they can't but resist to utter 'so then? ANY NEWS!?' - as if I would have somehow omitted from telling anyone.
Believe me all - as SOON as I know I will simultaneously phone my parents, send 100 texts, update my blog and post about it on Facebook.
In the meantime the chaos continues and the children still eat off the living room carpet.
Tensions over food theft and minor scuffles arising from such incidents have reached such a head that, yesterday, I found my eldest fishing his sausage roll and bagel (yet another wonderfully balanced 'moving house meal') out from beneath a complex contraption involving an upturned freezer basket, several feet of Lego and a riding whip (yeah gods - where did that surface from!?).
When I asked him what on earth he was doing he sobbed that he'd had to build it to keep the toddler off his food. Indeed, it was vaguely reminiscent of those 'anti-squirrel' bird feeders you can buy and to be fair - it worked. Particularly if you deployed the whip.......
Anyway - upwards and out of here (I hope) and can you all cross everything and hope that we have some better news tomorrow!?