Tuesday, 9 November 2010

And then I Opened the Box and the Bomb Went Off

Right well as (approximately) half the nation is waiting with baited breath to find out what happened when I went to my MIL's house a few weeks back, I'd better stop rolling round on the carpet in a deranged state and get on with it.

Please don't fret - I did make it back. If I hadn't I'd probably be a dessicated husk by now, caught between a psychotic looking china rabbit playing a banjo and a drummer boy with more than a passing resemblance to Chucky.

However, for reasons too personal to go into (even I have to draw a line somewhere, wee, poo, insanity and piles are OK, this is a step too far) I came home alone (well I kept the kids, obviously, one more day in the Biome and they'd have needed rehydration therapy).

So Husband-With-A-Sad-Face is no longer actually Husband-with-A-Sad-Face. I'm not actually sure what category his face falls into now (other than 'under the heel of my shoe' - joke - he's a fan of this blog so I'd better now be too harsh now had I?) but whatever his face does, he's no longer actually my husband. Well he is on paper until the divorce comes through but we are now 'separated'. Like eggs. I'm not sure who is the yolk and who is the white but one part always gets left in the fridge and then binned so hopefully that's not me.

Woooooo.

I told you the bomb went off didn't I?

There will be people all over the nation (and possibly overseas, and who knows, maybe on a space station somewhere) falling off their chairs right now and having to re-read that bit but yup - that's what happened next.

So in the last 3 years I've:

- given birth
- been extremely very critically ill.
- gone nuts.
- spend 2 months living in a psychiatric unit.
- cared for 2 small children.
- gained useful employment.
- relocated to the other side of the country.
- gone through major building works with both kids in the midst of it.
- watched my dad die of a brain tumour.
- tried to hold my mum together as she falls apart, again and again..
and now for (hopefully) the big FINALE!!!!

MY HUSBAND'S LEFT ME!!

Well he's not actually 'left' me - legally this is his home too so he's living in the loft.

And actually, yes, I am still laughing. You can't go through all that and survive vaguely mentally intact without being able to put a bit of a spin on things and trying (really trying) to see some kind of glimmer of hilarity in them all.

So there we are - now you know.

On the plus side, it got me out of staying longer at my MIL's house.........

And even better - I got my balls back out last week and it felt SOOOOOO good. More on that later (it was, of course, eventful. Airing my balls in never a smooth passage of 'pump, bounce and go' - this time it included elderly line dancers, a large ginger Tom and a gas leak).


Now a couple of questions:

1. How much for the film rights? I'm happy to play myself. My whole existence frequently feels like I'm walking through the part of someone in a bad soap opera anyway, so I'm more than qualified.

2. Can you get stretchmark removal on the NHS?

30 comments:

  1. Hi there,

    I've been reading for a while and am always highly amused by your antics. I just wanted to stop by and say I'm sorry to hear that HWASF is no longer "Husband".

    Hope all stays pleasant between the 2 of you and this next stage in your life is as full of laughter as all the rest!

    xx

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  2. So sorry to hear this sweet one. Onwards and upwards xxx

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  3. Ah pants! I sincerely hope that this is the end of a life's injustices and that it gets better from here on.

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  4. Oh ffs. I appear to be joining you in major life disasters happening at the same time. Will message you. Lots of love xxxxxxx

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  5. As the saying goes''keep your chin up'' or in your case 'balls up'
    Take care
    Barbara [sparklessimplestuff]

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  6. Love you Woolly ((((((hugs))))) So sorry to hear your news...keep your chin up pal (such trite words, but whaddo I say??)
    You know I'm thinking of you and as ever, am amazed and inspired by your strength. Give those squishy sons a squeeze and hold them tight. Big kiss V X

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  7. Well..... and here was me thinking the booms were bonfire night!! Sending big hugs

    answers:

    1) dunno but you really should write a book so we can all buy it on audio books and get it narrated by Dawn French that would be so cool!!

    2) Don't think so but I use Bio Oil on mine and my operation scars, its doing a wonderful job of fading them!! smells ok too, just don't put it in the bath then dip your hair in the water, you come out looking like you haven't washed your hair for a year.

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  8. Oh I am so sorry Woolly - will be thinking lots of you and your boys - it's surely time you got some of the good stuff!? xxxxx

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  9. So sorry to read this sweetie. Come and talk to us xxx

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  10. I'm sorry Woolly, you've been through far too much recently. I'm sad you are going through this too. Lots of love to you xxx

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  11. Oh sweetheart (((hug)))

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  12. Oh no. I'm so sorry to hear this and am sending you lots of hugs and sparkles.
    Take care of yourself and the boys - surely things must get better for you soon.
    Hugs,
    Sue xx
    p.s. sorry to be so wet but I'm actually crying here and I've only been through one of your sad events this year. I'm thinking of you.xx

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  13. Thanks everyone, all your thoughts and kindness really do mean so much to me.

    Lots of love
    xxx

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  14. Awwww honey so so sad to hear this, massive hugs to you my love

    xxxx

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  15. So sorry to hear this. Stay strong. (((hugs)))
    Linkon

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  16. Glad you are able to keep your head up. You've been through alot. I bet you have lots of great friends to lean on, keep smiling.

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  17. Lots of love my friend, I admire and look up to you so much xxxx

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  18. ((hugs)) I'm really sorry to read this.
    Dilly xx

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  19. Ok, I think it's about time the good luck fairy paid you a visit! I guess the only way is up, hang on in there chick x

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  20. Hi.

    Really sorry to hear this.

    I think your life seems to run parallel with mine and im still waiting for the good luck fairy to appear maybe she will in 2011 for us both. Hang on in there girl as if i can be strong and get through the "pooh" life as thrown at me im sure you can even though you dont always think you have the strenth to do so.

    sending you a big " you can do it " hug.

    karen x

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  21. I am v.v.v. new to this blog (that was three v's by the way) but just wanted to post that I am sorry to hear about your separation and amazed/impressed that you are able to keep smiling through.

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  22. Bloody hell...I think your life is emulating mine (although you blog far better than I can!). After my Mum died, of a brain tumour, my husband and I split up... I became a single mother and thought my world had ended... didn't even know what to mourn over first.
    BUT... 12 years on, everything's changed and if I had to go through it all again, I wouldn't change a thing... it's made me (and mine) who we are today.
    Hang in there, sweetie, things have a way of working out. xxx

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  23. Oh hun, the bomb DID go off didn't it :(

    Hope you're ok, you always seem to get through things, hope you've got lots of supportive friends and family around you to help! I know you'll get through this, with a smile on your face :)

    XXKatyXX

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  24. Wow. Just wow. I don't know you but I think you're my hero. If you can get through that lot and still get up in the morning AND still be awesomely funny you really do deserve some sort of medal. And maybe a ceremony. With wine. But probably leave the balls out of it because they seem to attract trouble.

    Seriously though, very sorry to hear this. Hope things get better for you.

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  25. OK, I've just stumbled across this on somebody else's blog list, and having read the last couple of entries, this has to go on my sidebar - you have a way with words :)
    Sorry to hear that everything has gone doolally, and I hope it all turns out ok.

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  26. Aww Nigel - I love people who kind of trip over my and then decide to stick around! Hello and welcome and may this be a long and happy union ;)

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  27. I'm so sorry to hear about this. I hope things will look better real soon! Keep up the blogging... it will help heal.
    Much love!

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  28. I'm late to this, but wanted to say how sorry I am. I love how you can still approach things with such a healthy attitude. xx

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  29. Not a lot I can think of to say to that!!

    Hugs and don't ever lose that sense of humour xx

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