Resolutions for 2011?
Getting to the end of it, sane. That'll do.
Dare I even begin to wonder what this year holds in store for me? In a word 'no' but I'm sure it will entertain us all, one way or another.
I ended 2010 by piercing my right nipple with a staple gun.
This wasn't actually a desperate act of self-harm aimed at releasing my inner torment.
It was more a desperate attempt to try and at least pretend that I was in possession of crafty-goddess-like-abilities at creating a family home.
I should have known it was doomed. Just like the time I tried to replicate the dog's head in cross-stitch. (The irony of that crafty creation is that it's still half-done in my drawers and has been transported across the country in this state. Meanwhile the man it was intended for has actually died and the dog it replicates actually HAS had a stroke. So at least if I ever finish it it will be that tiny bit more life-like - what with the eyes being out of kilter and all that.....).
Anyway - back to my nipple.
Basically I wanted a big noticeboard for my house but found that none were quite big enough so decided that with a large amount of MDF, some ribbon, fabric and good flocking I'd create my own.
I bought these items and then left them lying round on the floor for somewhere near 9 months (well you don't want to rush your creative urges do you?).
Then, 24 hours after being released from hospital with my youngest child I decided that shortly before painting my entire kitchen scarlet, I would make the noticeboard.
There's nothing like a week of being locked in a bile coloured room with a 3 year old child to send you off on a slightly wild tangent once you achieve freedom....
But large sheets of MDF are somewhat unweildy and you need a good bit of purchase on them if you're firing staples into them.
Voila - my bosom - the perfect counter-balance......
Oh. Dear. God. I think I've been stung by a hornet.
No dear, that'll be the staple traveling through your dressing gown, flannelet PJs and straight into your tender flesh.
On the brightside - it could have been summer and then I'd been wearing far less and probably needed to attend A&E and have the offending article dug out by a Junior Doctor on his first rotation.
And for such small mercies I intend to remain grateful.....and stay away from anything labeled 'crafty'.
Here's to a good 2011 my lovely people!