Thursday, 6 January 2011

You're Fired

Well we all made it to 2011 then?


Resolutions for 2011?

Getting to the end of it, sane. That'll do.

Dare I even begin to wonder what this year holds in store for me? In a word 'no' but I'm sure it will entertain us all, one way or another.

I ended 2010 by piercing my right nipple with a staple gun.

This wasn't actually a desperate act of self-harm aimed at releasing my inner torment.


It was more a desperate attempt to try and at least pretend that I was in possession of crafty-goddess-like-abilities at creating a family home.

I should have known it was doomed. Just like the time I tried to replicate the dog's head in cross-stitch. (The irony of that crafty creation is that it's still half-done in my drawers and has been transported across the country in this state. Meanwhile the man it was intended for has actually died and the dog it replicates actually HAS had a stroke. So at least if I ever finish it it will be that tiny bit more life-like - what with the eyes being out of kilter and all that.....).

Anyway - back to my nipple.

Basically I wanted a big noticeboard for my house but found that none were quite big enough so decided that with a large amount of MDF, some ribbon, fabric and good flocking I'd create my own.

I bought these items and then left them lying round on the floor for somewhere near 9 months (well you don't want to rush your creative urges do you?).

Then, 24 hours after being released from hospital with my youngest child I decided that shortly before painting my entire kitchen scarlet, I would make the noticeboard.

There's nothing like a week of being locked in a bile coloured room with a 3 year old child to send you off on a slightly wild tangent once you achieve freedom....

But large sheets of MDF are somewhat unweildy and you need a good bit of purchase on them if you're firing staples into them.

Voila - my bosom - the perfect counter-balance......


Oh. Dear. God. I think I've been stung by a hornet.

No dear, that'll be the staple traveling through your dressing gown, flannelet PJs and straight into your tender flesh.

On the brightside - it could have been summer and then I'd been wearing far less and probably needed to attend A&E and have the offending article dug out by a Junior Doctor on his first rotation.

And for such small mercies I intend to remain grateful.....and stay away from anything labeled 'crafty'.

Here's to a good 2011 my lovely people!


  1. Oh. My. God! How can you make me laugh AND wince AND cry in the same few paragraphs?!

    Still, look on the bright side, if you act fast, you could pop a nice gold hoop in there and be the height of cool-ness!!

    Eeee lass, hope it's recovered!!

    *snigger* - sorry - couldn't help it!

  2. OMG - thought you'd gone in for a spot of diy piercing - ouch!
    Happy New Year - hope it's peaceful (but not too much as you wouldn't have anything to blog about and keep us entertained). I hope 2011 brings you everything you wish for.
    Sue xx

  3. January 2011 at 08:54

    I was wondering where you were!

    Why not make the most of it and do the other one and hang a chain between them?

  4. Oh, Stickhead, is anything NOT on your "been there, done that" list? I hope you'll heal quickly without any infection.

    But, boy, what a way to start 2011 with! Here's to sanity.

  5. Oh, my G-d you are FUNNY - you are my new very favorite blog, that is it! Thank you for a belly roll of laughter....I hope you are okay {feeling guilty now for laughing so hard} Okay I'm' over it. Really. Now I am going to read more!

  6. I think you should have called the fire brigade to free you from the mdf board. Try harder with the staple gun next time. Happy New Year.

  7. Ouch! Thank god you weren't feeding still, you could have leaked for-EVER.

    Blimey the word verification I just got was SAICKSAG.... sound like a complication of your piercing.

    Happy New Year