Friday, 8 October 2010

Da Weed

Me: (Trying to get out of front gate and into my car) Mum?

Mum: (Emerging from home in her dressing gown) Yes darling?

Me: You appear to be growing cannabis? Around the front gate.

Mum: Oh, that'll be the birds.

Me: What the birds have started up their very own skunk factory? I never knew they had it in them.

Mum: No, it'll be from their seed. I put their seeds on the gate and they get knocked off and grow. We get all sorts!

Me: You feed the birds dope?

Mum: No but I expect it's in the mix.

Me: (thinking it's too early in the day for this kind of conversation) Commercial bird seed contains cannabis?

(I can see The Sun headline now 'Blue Tits Off Their Tits on Seedy Seed').

Mum: Well maybe. It was from Asda. Or it maybe blew in from somewhere?

Me: (glancing round at the surrounding vista of desolate, cannabis free, fields) Riiiiiiiggggghhhht. All the same, is it wise to leave it growing by the gate hear. I mean a lot of people come through here. The postie, the man who brings the oil, the, erm, vicar......

Mum: I'll get my glasses.....

Mum (again - this time sounding slightly thrilled): Ohhhhhh, you know what, it IS cannabis isn't it!

This was on Monday.

It's still there, reaching for the sky amidst the Autumn sunshine and showers.

Quite a harvest.

I'm keeping out of this but if you see a gentle looking lady in Breton stripes and M&S jeans on the local news for running a miniature cannabis farm, you know the situation has deteriorated.


  1. blue-tits off their tits LOL!!!!!

  2. Now this I might expect, living so close to Brixton. Though it would get harvested before growing much. Hhm marijuana mystery... did postie drop something from his pocket on the way up the path? Is the vicar hiding a secret?

  3. Well the Postie is always smiling and mega happy and the vicar does have a very large cassock....

  4. Hope your mum is enjoying it!:)))

  5. I love your Mum's attitude to this!
    Thanks for making me smile - I really needed it today (I'm looking after my Dad who is terminally ill and slowly slipping away).
    Sue xx

  6. I can picture the scene.

    Your mum isn't a WI member perchance? Could spice up the cake sale a bit if she were...

    LCM x

  7. This made me laugh out very loud! LOL!
    Jackie :-)

  8. ASDA did you say? Is that why they're always tapping their bottoms? Secret code?

    Well I'm not surprised. You wouldn't get that kind of thing from Waitrose.

    But always on the lookout for a wholesome educational activity for the kids, attracting the birdies with some seed very close to freshly raked soil might be most beneficial to their awareness of nature.....

  9. What's the name of the mix? I haven't made a seed cake for decades... I'm sure there's as Asda around here somewhere.... within a 50 mile radius... there HAS to be!
    p.s. can your mum adopt me please? I'd like one like that!