Sunday, 6 June 2010

Going Ga Ga

Just to add to the incredibly random and surreal nature of my life, I have, probably, the most random and surreal kids in the world. Or actually surely kids are random and surreal by the very fact their kids and their minds aren't constrained by adult ideas of the 'norm' so kids really are the norm and we are all messed up? Who knows.

Anyway, ask the older one what he's thinking about and his answer could be anything from 'the cooling system of a diesel-electric locomotive' through to 'Jesus's wee wee' (followed by howls of hysterical laughter).

Ask the younger one what he's thinking about and he'll probably just shout 'NO' in your face. You have been warned.

Hey ho.

One thing they seem to think about a lot is Lady GaGa.

I don't think they actually know that much about Lady GaGa but they think her name is almost as hilarious as wee wee or even (the most hilarious word to small boys of all time) 'boobies' (which leads to me giving them some 'right on' lecture about how boobies are not funny, they are part of a woman's body, they are the vessels to suckle the next generations, they are miracles of mammalian evolution etc etc etc but yeah at the end of the day boobies are actually still hilarious and will fascinate the male of the species for all eternity. I give up. Keep laughing kids. You're gonna need to).

So they talk about Lady GaGa a lot. Way too much actually.

They also seem to think she might actually be a mannequin.

As in a shop mannequin.

This makes shopping even more stressful than it already is (which is Very with a capital V).

Every mannequin they spot they scream 'THERE'S LADY GA GA!' and of course people turn round and stare (just in case The Ga Ga has decided to pop into Asda for a jumbo sausage roll and 24 snack eggs).

And then the kids roar with laughter and I (why me!?) gets evil looks from the deluded public.

Even worse is when you are in the sort of shop that has non-standard mannequins (i.e they are not just your basic pink over-sized Barbie).

This leads to screams such as:

'There's Lady GaGa and her head's fallen off!' (what IS it with the headless mannequins? M&S do a fine line in these).

'There's Lady GaGa and she's a man' (well there were rumours)


'There's Lady Ga Ga and she's gone all black'

The public are ever more confused. I am ever more embarrassed.

The zenith of the Lady GaGa shame came (once again) in Asda.

Whilst trying on something dubious which involved no straps (what was I thinking? Grief clouds the mind) both mine and my children's interest was piqued by the conversation in the cubical next door.

Lady 1: 'Oh eee's luverly in't eee?' (this is a curious West Country thing I'd actually forgotten about until I moved back - calling inanimate objects 'he' and assigning them personalities. You could be talking about your new girdle and it would be a 'he' and he could be a 'real gem').

Lady 2: 'Do you reckon? I'm not sure? It's a bit modern'.

Lady 1: 'Ohh yeah but he's after that Lady Ga Ga in ee? You could BE Lady Ga Ga in that. You could BE HER!'.

Lady 2 (soundly distinctly unsure): 'Do you really reckon?'.

My kids: LADY GA GA! LADY GA GA! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Me (muttering darkly): Be quiet or I'll take you outside and lock you in the car.

My kids: With the windows shut?

Me: Yes.

Lady 1: 'Oh yeah - you are the SPIT of Lady GaGa! You gotta get it!'.

My eldest: 'Mummy - Lady Ga Ga is in there! Can we go and look?'.

Me (thinking 'don't make threats you can't follow through on): 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' (whilst wrestling myself out of unfortunate strapless item and grabbing both their collars to ensure they don't try and duck under the dividing wall and into the 'GaGa's' booth).

But truthfully my interest was aroused. The last time I looked George at Asda weren't pushing the boundaries of fashion with the likes of:



Or This:

Though maybe they should. I'm tempted. Especially by the first one. I used to do a fine line in balaclavas (but that's another story and no, I wasn't robbing banks).

Of course I hung around to catch a look at Somerset's own GaGa but let's just say the similarities between the two started and finished with the fact they are both women. If the GaGa gains 200lbs, ages a couple of decades, decides to razor cut her hair into a mullet and cultivates a taste in white velour and an evil glare then maybe - but even then, she was pushing it.

If I was disappointed, the kids were devastated:

Original Son: Oh mummy! THAT'S not Lady GaGa! She's all.......


Lady GaGa she might not have been, but good in a fight I'm sure she was was and I for one did not want to end up brawling on the floor of Asda.

You have to draw the line somewhere.


  1. I'm not sure about Lady GaGA either - no wonder your boys are confused.
    Loving your description of the "look alike".
    But am wondering what George is designing for Asda these days? Did you ever find out?
    Hope things are improving for you.
    Sending more hugs and sparkles to you all.
    Sue xx

  2. I 'think' from what she was carrying it was merely a normal looking top which featured shoulder pads!
    Thanks for your kind thoughts - things are pretty bad but we carry on.....

  3. I want to know what the full sentence was, she's all....... LOL

    Big hugs, thinking of you in this hard time


  4. Thank God for kids as great distractions during such difficult times, eh? You're gonna miss this when they're all grown up and sensible!(?) lots of love and hoping you're doing ok x

  5. Love the post - only just found you and I'm a fan already! Small kids really are the most random beings, I always feel that going out with them in public is a bit like russian roulette - gambling with social embarrassment. But humour is the best way to deal with tragedy, and you're doing a good job.

  6. Just to add to your randomness, but very random that you've written this when on Friday night I actually went to see Lady GaGa live!! And yes, it was 'different', definitely very theatrical, I didn't realise her gay following was quite what it was, but then we were only there as guests of some corporate 'thing', so it was all very jolly being in a box in the rafters with free food and wine and parking just outside the door. Normally we're down there with the masses desperate for a pee but knowing you'll never find your mates again if you leave to go to the loo. And I'm afraid GaGa wouldn't have been my artiste of choice if truth be told. But aside from that, GaGa was good, wasn't too sure about some of the costumes, the 'best' being the bra she wore at the end that had flames (I kid you not) coming out of the breasts AND the crotch. Sadly, me with my must-be-getting-old head on turned to hubby and said 'I bet that's actually quite hot wearing that'. Oh dear. I forgot my camera so sadly only have very poor pics off my cheapo mobile, I imagine if you let the boys loose on YouTube you'd find it though..... ;-)

  7. V funny. Thanks, I needed a laugh.

    In next door's farm they've had to raise a lamb, as the mummy sheep died...ahhh.... The farmer's called the lamb 'Lady Baa Baa'...
    very modern these farmers nowadays.


  8. Titch - yup - every day I play Russian Roulette with my dignity and usually I get shot....

    Ruth - I'm am NOT telling the kids that Lady GaGa can shoot flames out of her boobies. That really would be that and I would never hear the end of it!!

    Debs - yup, never thought I'd say it but I am going to be utterly bereft when I haven't got anyone weeing on the carpet and shouting WILLY in the middle of Asda. Odd thing life isn't it?